Hiatus

Life gets away from us, sometimes, and this blog certainly fell into the cracks for me. If anyone was watching, I apologize.

Much news, but where to start... where to start...

Mother moved back to town. And the sky didn't fall, the earth didn't crack in two, and life essentially kept plodding along. She pressed--hard--for a meeting, and much against my better judgement, I finally set one up, with a moderator. Mother wasn't happy with that, and had a number of unkind things to say about it, but I survived. Felt as though she'd run me over with a semi truck, then picked it up and hammered me into the pavement with it, but that's merely the subjective perception. Some little while later, she pressed for another meeting, which I attended again. Took along some written notes, so that she couldn't disconcert me enough to leave out some salient questions I wanted her to answer. I don't feel as though she actually responded to the facts and questions presented, but at least they were aired in front of a neutral observer.

Afterwards, the moderator requested a meeting with me and my husband, so she could get some idea for herself about the sort of man he really is, apart from the hype my mother has been spreading to everyone with ears. I think she was pleasantly surprised. And she gave us what I consider a compliment. Namely, that she was surprised that we were still a couple. Apparently many of the people she counsels have had marriages unravel under the weight of stresses like ours. She went on to say that I really shouldn't feel the requirement to visit. She could see that it was a great stress, and that mother has no intent to change her position. Though mother did announce that she will stop making police reports, etc., since she's decided that my children are just "liars" and won't tell (her) truth no matter how many times she reports. I'm relieved, to a point, but I suspect I may never stop being angry about the name-calling.

Since then, my aunt (the one who was a school counselor) has retired, and volunteered to be moderator for a couple of meetings. They were a bit calmer, without an "outsider" present, but still took a toll on me. I have not given mother my phone number, and have asked the family to continue to respect this as well. I'd like to believe that my continued lack of communication is only self-preservation, and not something darker, such as vengeance.

If I'm destined to "heal" enough that I can ever return to anything resembling the relationship we once had, I hope it happens soon. But something tells me that somewhere down the road of life, I'll be able to say I skipped that.